This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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