just come out here and I will go home with you...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
