med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
