the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
