I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
