problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
