Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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