I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
