You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Every concussion has its silver lining
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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