So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
