well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
