were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
