it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
