Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
