So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
