anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize