new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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