Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
