My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
