I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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