im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
