I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
