i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
