Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
