Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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