I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize