Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I look better un-naked...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
