hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
