I think I am morally bankrupt
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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