You really coming over, don't trick.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
