So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
