If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
