I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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