I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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