You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
