so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
MIDGETS
????
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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