i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
