we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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