I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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