I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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