so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
