Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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