mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
