The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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