after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
