She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
