In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
