i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize