where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
