Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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