she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
