Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
