I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
