Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
