Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I wear drunk well.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
