im six kinds of drunk right now
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
