Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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