Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
