dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
