Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
