it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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