3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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