trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
my god I love twenty year old dicks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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