she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
