So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
