I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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