I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
