All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
