now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
