My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
