Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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