a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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