How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
