Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
