I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
