so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just gift wrapped bread.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize