i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
