There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
