isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
