Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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