My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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