I am spending my child support on dildos
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
