I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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