She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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