He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
