Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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