Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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