So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
