Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize