My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Less talking, more tequila
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is my gift to your gina
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
