a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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