Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
