Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
