Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
