Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
