I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
