our cab driver is having phone sex.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
