"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
