i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
