Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
