No awkward lesbian experiences without me
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Couch. On fire.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
