you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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