this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
