On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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