She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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